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13 Funny 14 What happened to Elvis?
Game Home
Two guys were
walking along a deserted beach and bored to tears. The first guy says:
"Hey, I have an idea. Let's split up. You walk as far as you can that way down the
beach, and I'll walk as far as I can the other way down the beach. We'll meet here
tomorrow and tell each other what we did.
The other gentleman agreed and each man began walking in opposite directions down the
beach.
The next day, they meet and the first guy says:
"So...Tell me about your day!"
The second guy smiled and said: "Oh, I had a great one! I found a small little oasis
with a pond and some cool grass and spent the day swimming and eating coconuts from a
tree! What happened to you?"
His friend laughed and said: "You're never going to believe it!! I walked about five
miles up the coast and came to these train tracks. I walked down the tracks about a mile
and found this girl with the most incredible body I've ever seen tied to the rails! I
untied her and carried her to some grass nearby and we spent all day and night having the
most incredible sex I've ever had! This girl was amazing! We did everything
together!"
The other guy looked at his friend in amazement and asked him..."Everything?"
"Everything!" he replied.
"Did she suck your dick?"
"Well...no...She didn't do that..." the man said with a sigh... "I couldn't
find her head!"
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The
lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just
wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few
winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He
explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and
vice-versa."
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay
me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she
is a blonde that he will easily win the match.
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this
torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and
hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three
legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the
Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he
knows. All to no avail.
After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the
$50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed,
wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to
sleep.
A guy walks over to a gorgeous girl sitting at a barstool and says "I want to play
with your tits all night."
Shocked, the woman says "oh my god, do you see that huge guy over there? he's my
boyfriend and he'll kick your ass.."
The man replies "I still want to play with your tits all night, and fill your pussy
with beer and drink it."
Disgusted, the woman walks over to her boyfriend and tells him whats going on, "That
man over there says he wants to play with my tits all night."
The boyfriend stands up pissed off and rolls up his sleeves. She then says, "He also
said he wants to fill my pussy up with beer and drink out of it"
The boyfriend rolls down his sleeves, sits down and continues drinking. "What are you
doing, arent you going to kick his ass?" She asks.
The boyfriend smugly replies, "I ain't gonna mess with a guy that can drink that much
beer."
Haven't you ever had the urge to loose control when ordering that burrito or burger and
drink combo?
1. Ask for last months specials.
2. Place your order in three different languages. If you don't know any, make them up.
3. When they repeat your order totally change it. Repeat as desired.
4. Order a whopper from McDonalds, when they say they don't have whoppers insist that they
do. If they still argue demand to see a manager then when you talk to them order a normal
meal and say i don't know what's up with kids these days.
5. Go to any burger joint and order Chinese.
6. When ordering in the drive through, ask if its happy hour on draft beer.
7. In summer turn stereo up full volume to Christmas music while ordering in drive
through.
8. Drive in the drive through, park, then go inside and order.
9. Go through the drive through in reverse, again.
10. Wait for the busiest time of day, after paying get out of car, get jack out of trunk
and proceed to rotate tires.
11. Check oil in drive through, possibly touch up the windscreen with some glass cleaner.
12. Walk up to drive through window with hands in the air like your holding onto a
steering wheel.
13. Go through drive through and ask for directions to the place you're at.
14. Go through drive through naked, excluding the rabbit slippers of course!
15. Go inside and ask in a loud voice if they got rid of the Ebola problems they've been
having
16. Argue with your passenger (that's not there) and continue until you pay.
17. When they ask if that will be all tell them to hold on, your dog won't make up his
mind.
18. After eating half your meal return it and say you got the wrong thing and ask for a
refund.
19. As you're pulling away and they say "Have a nice day!" (with that retarded
smile) put the car in reverse and ask them what the hell that's supposed to mean.
20. Order something from one fast food place then go to another drive through when they
give you your food take one bite and say "No thank you this tastes better (pointing
to bag from other place), may i have my money back."
21. Play 'name that tune' with person taking the order.
22. Pretend your deaf and order in sign language.
23. Go through Taco Bell, order the 7 layer burrito. When they repeat your order ask if
each layer of the burrito is sold separately.
24. When they ask how you are today proceed by telling them about your diarrhea problems,
most likely due to the burger you bought from them yesterday and the day before that.
25. Go through a drive through after they tell you to pull to the window drive past it and
go inside to get your order.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals
always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he
found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into
the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the
ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising
forcefulness. No one answered.
"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time
I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in
Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked
outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and
asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a
haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before
I get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours."
The guy leaves.
A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I
can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and
half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy
and see where he goes."
In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks,
"Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looked up and said, "To your house."
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in
back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.
One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces,
"My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million
dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and
emerge unharmed!"
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool.
The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on.
Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, "That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't
think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter
or the one million dollars?"
The guy catches his breath, then says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't
want your daughter! I want the asshole who pushed me in the pool!"
The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading.
He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the
end of class, the teacher asked his students, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for
lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east
longitude..."
A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be
eating alone, sir."
Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter....
First Woman : "My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come
around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.
Second Woman : "I know..."
First Woman : "How?"
Second Woman : "My dog told me."
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a super market. A man came in and
asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of
lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half. The boy
explained that he would have to ask the manager and so he walked into the back room and
said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of
lettuce."
As he finished saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so
he quickly added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager okayed the request and the man went on his way. Later on the manager said to
the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was
impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around
here. Where are you from, son?"
The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir."
"Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" inquired the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there."
"My wife is from Minnesota", exclaimed the manager.
The boy instantly replied, "Really! What team did she play for?"
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is
a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did
Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid
takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse
you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse,
instead of on top."
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